By Editor,
Xina Sy
I am both strange & beautiful…
This I know for
sure!
Most of my life I have felt “different.” Unable to wrap words around the
contrast between myself & others, it was just something I lived with. I
learned to reside with & within the awkwardness of my own unusualness &
never really thought much about it. Ok, that was a lie. I thought about it. I
thought about it every minute of every day & every second of my life I felt
like a misfit; unwanted, unloved, & mostly, unattractive.
My earliest memory of being beauty-challenged was of
one summer at the KIK pool. I was in the 8th grade. This beautiful,
popular boy swam over to the side of the pool where myself & this gorgeous,
then very popular chick sat, kicking our feet in the water in our one-pieces.
He arrived with a group of friends, because that’s how cool boys travel, &
landed by my side & suavely said, “Hey pretty girl!” I blushed &
offered a very gitty, “Hey yourself!” Him & his friends laughed
uproariously as he almost shouted, “Not you, you ole’ ugly ass!”
I melted into the water & floated away on the
raft of what was left of my low-self-esteem. My heart was broken. The memory
became a chink in my own armor of self-worth & I was confused &
confounded about what real beauty really was…forever.
The world says many things about beauty. In some
cultures, beauty is defined by size two models, which walk runways in 6 inch
heels & become fantasies of men’s desires & women’s aspirations. In yet
another culture, beauty is defined by dictates that define women’s weight by
the level of wealth their family has…the fatter the girl the fatter their
father’s wallets. And, in yet another culture, beauty is defined by the purity
of a girl, the cost of her dowry; her families lineage. However defined, beauty comes in all shapes
& sizes & hues & backgrounds & economical statuses…none of
which has much to do with beauty at all, which is all the more reason that we
have to define it for ourselves.
I am both strange & beautiful…this I know for
sure! Why strange? I dunno…maybe it’s because I’m damn near 6 feet tall in
heels & bald! Maybe it’s because my face is so expressive (friends &
family are always telling me to “fix my face”)! Maybe it’s because I have never
fit in, never followed the crowd & have always been determined to pave my
own way…no matter what! But, just maybe it’s because I just don’t fit any type
of stereotypical anything because there is no category for a BIG, BOLD,
BEAUTIFUL, BLACK woman with the tenacity of a snapping turtle & a smile
that would melt the sun. Whatever the reason…I am finally ok with not just
being another pretty face.
How do YOU define REAL beauty? Chime in…
For special delivery of my upcoming new release
e-book, “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful: Redefining Beauty from Head to
Toe” w/ special notes from the author (ME) please click: BUY NOW! It will be
delivered to your email box on February 1st! Be Beautiful!
